Create an Evil Plan!

General Discussion
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Hello, DC Universe users. I have commandeered this peon’s account in order to bring you this announcement. Who am I? I would say that I am no more or less than the single greatest criminal mastermind of the modern era, but I assure you that I am quite a great deal more. If, for some reason, that still does not make my identity clear, I am Lex Luthor.

In this thread, I or one of my esteemed colleagues in corruption will present you with a challenge every day. We will give you a goal and certain limitations on the available methods of creating that goal. You will present your master plan, which, while no doubt inferior to any I, Lex Luthor, would create, will be of great interest as I search for fellow criminal masterminds with whom I can collaborate in my various enterprises.

The peon, BatJamags, will select the best plan when each prompt is posted (ideally around midnight EST) and every Saturday (other than the 13th, as we will only have completed one prompt by then), the submitter with the most daily victories will present their own objective. Well, BatJamags could do that, or I could reveal his Secret Identity to the world. I imagine he’ll be cooperative.

And now, your first objective, and one near and dear to my heart: You will kill Superman. You are permitted to deploy no more than three of what those sanctimonious so-called ‘heroes’ would so simplistically term ‘villains.’ They must be reliable, controllable, and loyal enough to execute the plan with no backstabbing or other unnecessary difficulty. To put it more simply, you may use Doomsday if you can control him. You may use Brainiac if you have a reason he shouldn’t kill the rest of us.

[So, stepping out of character for a moment to thank kingofspeedsters for his awesome thread “NAME THE CAHRACTER(S)…BEST FIT FOR THE SCENARIO!!” and for giving me permission to create the evil equivalent. The rules here are the same as there. I set an objective, limit the number of characters, and turn you loose to create a plan. You can read through that thread to get a sense of the general format. I’ll be adding a bit more restrictions than kingofspeedsters usually does to offset the higher power levels you tend to see with villains (stuff like the “has to be controllable and reliable” in today’s prompt).]

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Superman has three well known vulnerabilities: kryptonite, magic, and solar manipulation.

I’d like to posit a fourth, myself. One usually considered a strength: his super senses. Superman’s heightened perception of sound and vision could easily be as much a hindrance as an aid.

To this end, I would unleash Count Vertigo to confound and disorient Superman, his physiology making Vertigo’s abilities all the more potent.

From there, a two pronged assault from Felix Faust and Kryptonite Man should finish the job.

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Send the Parasite in to engage and weaken Superman as much possible```
right down to a mere human level. Then, Spellbinder and the Fiddler attack in a joint hypnotic effort. When the blue boy scout wakes, he KNOWS he is only Clark Kent, has never been anyone but Clark Kent, and will never be anyone one but Clark Kent-- Superman destroyed forever–! The Parasite remains a constant drain, even as you, Luthor, trick that purple fool into being your permanent battery for conquering the Universe using you greatest enemies own power!

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Wow just f’n wow

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EVIL SCHEME: TRIPLE THREAT (Kind of like the operation names for the other thread. Might need some workshopping though, “Evil Scheme” sounds kind of forced)

The idea here is we take on Superman by exposing his three different weaknesses: Magic, Psychic powers, and Kryptonite. Kryptonite is fairly hard to obtain so that’ll be the first task. We know that Batman keeps a Kryptonite ring just in case Clark gets out of hand so now all we need is way to steal the ring (easier said than done). I propose Catwoman. Not only is she arguably the best thief out there, but she knows the Batcave very well. There is no way she would be in on this plan, so we’ll need someone with psychic powers to “persuade” her (luckily we need a psychic for Superman too, so this works out). Here’s where we bring in Psimon. Psimon is reliable when it comes to his powers, and seems to be up for the job. To recap the plan so far: Psimon mentally overtakes Catwoman and gets her to steal the Kryptonite ring from the Batcave. The next problem we run into is the possibility that Batman would catch on and alert Superman. Superman is hard enough to deal with alone, we don’t want any interference from any justice league members. To ensure this doesn’t happen, Catwoman would place a decoy kryptonite ring back in place of the one she stole, and would also sabotage batman’s communications with the League while she is in the cave. Lastly, we just need a magic villain who can pack a punch to wear the ring and confront Superman. For this job, I choose Black Adam. Before the confrontation, Psimon will mentally weaken Superman. Between the psychic attacks, the Kryptonite Ring, and Black Adam’s magic abilities, Black Adam will bring Superman to his knees. He will beg, and Black Adam will show no mercy. Superman will die.

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Evil scheme: quick and painful death

I would deploy black flash (daniel west- a result from flashpoint). He is currently at iron heights, so he would have one of the power dampeners on. I would gain control over his dampener, and blackmale him into doing the job for me ( cuz which villain doesnt like killing a superhero). Now, he has control over the metal that merged with his body when he got his speed. So I would tell him too steal kryptonite from somewhere and I would crush the kryptonite into a fine powder and mix it with water. Than… I lace black flash’s metal with the liquid kryptonite. Since all flash speedsters are MUCH faster than superman, he will be able too run so fast, that superman will move like a snail. Therefore black flash has the chance too shoot superman with the shards without superman being able to flee. If that doesnt do the job, than…every thing moves on a different frequency, so black flash would vibrate at superman’s given frequency and rip his heart out (and superman would be even more vulnerable because of the liquid kryptonite. At the end of the day, i still have control over black flash, because of the dampener, and I have a villainous souvenir… superman’s HEART!!! Mwaahahahahahh!!!

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Hello? Hello? Testing, 123… Is this thing on?

Well, howdy do, DCUsers! It’s everyone’s favorite hilarious heckling harlequin, THE JOKER!

Yesterday, Lexy had you killing the Goon of Steel, so of course, it’s only fitting that I turn you and two villains of your choice loose on my own personal pointy-eared perpetual party pooper! But wait! I don’t want you to kill Batsy! Killing one of the long underwear crowd is easy as pie, and I know my pie. My favorite kind has a crowbar and a very large bomb for filling. Besides, Batsy is mine to kill, where and when I want.

Forget that and the joke will be on you.

Anyhoo, where was I? Ah, yes, what to do about the Dork Knight. What I have planned is far harder than just killing him: to paraphrase Donald O’Connor, your job is to Make ‘Im Laugh! All you’ve gotta do is get one little chuckle out of the Caped Crusader.

“But Uncle Joker, can’t you just use Laughing Gas for that?”

Funny you should mention it, kiddo, but I seem to have misplaced my whole stash, so no cheating for you. And what’s worse, the Psycho-Pirate is missing too! Actually, that reminds me: I haven’t gotten down into the basement to feed him yet today. He could starve! After all, these days… you just never know who’s going to die… and who’s going to live.

Toodles!

[Yesterday’s winner: YoYoFroYo! Well done on all counts, though!]

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Batman and Superman are close allies, with plenty of respect for each other. But like their own children, they’re not above a little bit of rivalry. For one to see the other’s comeuppance is always a reliable way to amuse either of them.

To that end, I think the best way to get a laugh out of Batman would be to embarrass Superman.

Another thing about Superman: he’s the consummate boyscout, and despite his X-Ray vision, a famous prude.

I therefore submit that there’s one person who’s best for this job: Selina Kyle, the Catwoman.

Enough saucy PDA with Batman will get Superman sweating speeding bullets, the sight of which alone can get Batman laughing like he’s in the last 5 seconds of a Super Friends episode.

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THE LAUGHING STOCK:

The only time I ever really remember Batman laughing was in Mad Love when Harley tells Batman that “all [she] wants is to settle down with her lovin’ sweetheart”. This indicates to me that the thing that Batman finds most funny is hopeless ambition. I would assemble a group of villains that are fairly tame and comical: Condiment King, Film Freak, and Kite Man. Film Freak May be the most important part in this scheme because he is the one who will secretly film Batman’s laugh. We have to prove to the Joker that we did get Batman to laugh otherwise what’s the point? In order to provoke Batman (because let’s be honest, Batman will probably just leave these folks to the authorities unless he is properly provoked) Kite man will rig up Condiment King on a kite and the two will fly into Wayne towers (mostly because it’s the tallest building around) while Condiment King squirts his various condiments on the world below. It should be noted that Film Freak has either rigged them up with secret body cams, or has hacked into security cams. The two will go around the building vandalizing the offices and taking hostages along the way. They will ask for a ridiculous ransom: 5 million dollars, a private jet, and an island. Batman will show up to bust them. Condiment King will drench Batman in mustard while Kite Man takes his chances in hand to hand combat against the Caped Crusader. They will, of course be stopped, but they need to sell that they are seriously trying to fight Batman. When Batman hands them off to the authorities Kite Man will say something along the lines of “You haven’t seen the last of us! We’ll be back! Condiment King and Kite Man! HELL YEAH!” If this complete embarrassment and hopeless ambition doesn’t get a hardy laugh from Batman, then I don’t know what will.

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Gather together all of Batman’s other main villains, a dozen or more, use an age reducing ray on them until they are all 3-4 years old, teach them nothing but clean jokes, limericks, and riddles, and then have them surround and tickle the Batman while attempting to recite the silliness you have taught them, and just being little giggling toddlers. Even the Batman will break.

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Drop Chemo on a city.

To quote Sly Stalling in that movie where he fought Aquaman with an axe: “Bam. Done. Owned.”

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Stupid autocorrect…

Anyway…Chemo was dropped on Bludhaven in 2006 so there’s a precedent for him being used that way.

Also I obviously meant Sly Stallone. You know, Mister “I am the law!”

grabs an axe Here autocorrect. I’ve got a carrot for you…

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Vroom, you have confused me. How does dropping Chemo on another city make the caped crusader laugh?

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I’d just go back in time (with the help of… let’sgo with Zoom), stop Thomas and Martha from getting killed. Bruce would then grow up normal and laugh at all the normal stuff people laugh at.

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I hope you don’t mind me popping in to add my thoughts.

If the goal is to just make Batman laugh, I’d put my money on the Riddler. He could construct a series of his famous riddles, all leading Batman to a stage before Arkham and his final question - to be answered right before the Joker and all of Batman’s worst enemies. If he gets it wrong, it triggers an escape that would set his worst enemies loose on the city (Or, alternatively, they had been planning an escape and Riddler will only give Batman information if he answers his riddles).

Regardless, if Batman gets it right, they stay exactly where they are and he can turn and walk away.

The answer to the riddle would, of course, be the sound of Batman’s laugh.

Ironically, laughing in front of the Joker would mean that months of planning their big escape would all go to waste.

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@Misfit It doesn’t make him laugh. I just focused on the “evil plan” element.

Showing him “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!” will make him laugh though.

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@Vroom Don’t you think Monty Python and the Holy Grail would work better on ol’ Bats?

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For sure! Holy Grail is hilarious while “Stop!” should’ve been stopped in the pitch phase.

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Oh man, @Zatanna’s is really clever :slight_smile:

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Behold, mortals!

You are in the presence of a god. You will show me the appropriate respect or be destroyed, for I am Ares, god of war!

My task for you is a simple one. Using no more than three villains, you will start World War III. Fail and face my wrath.

Also note that I do not ask for the three villains to be one of the sides. I am looking for instigators, not powerhouses.

[Yesterday’s winner: Zatanna! All very creative solutions, though. It was so hard to decide that that’s probably definitely the reason this is almost two hours late. I’m going with that.]

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