[SPOILERS for recent Tim Drake storylines and also for the story of that other major character who recently came out as bi!]
Alright, read this and tell me it’s unironic. Am I happy for Tim? Of course. Has this been coming for two decades? Unquestionably. But… Cutest couple in the DC Universe? You’re… You’re kidding, right? I mean… How about most other couples? Are they cute? Yes. Do I feel bad for Bernard that I’m saying all of this? Yes. But… What!? You’re not seriously setting them up for, like… Forever, are you? It was a gutsy move to act like this about Jon and Jay, but the two of them are perfect for each other! Tim and Bernard? THE MAN’S NAME IS ■■■■■■■ BERNARD!! And yes, a big part of this is I miss Tim and Steph. The two of them were so obviously and clearly in love it’s… What? When Tim came out, there was little doubt in my mind that, even if it wasn’t already being planned, Tim and Conner were maybe 18 months from being made official. Now obviously, it hasn’t been that long, but the powers that be are acting like Tim and Bernard are freaking Catradora when they’re not even… I’ve got nothing, because the two are so thoroughly unmemorable that I can’t really think of any that are so… UNREMARKABLE! This would be absurd even if Tim hadn’t previously been with someone who was perfect-ish for him. You’ll notice I said “perfect-ish”, and that brings us to Conner. Not only did they spend the last two decades being the cutest coded couple this side of Captain Marvel and Spider-Woman - maybe even cuter than them - okay, definitely cuter than them. The cutest this side of Korrasami then. And he was definitely the only one who I could forgive Tim dumping Steph for. And now we see the two of them side-by-side for the first time since Tim came out, and if anything, they’re more blatantly coded than ever before. They’re holding ■■■■■■■ hands. But the marketing is explicitly selling Tim and Bernard as the next Lois and Clark. Is Ortega rebelling against Fitzmartin? So far, the reactions to Tim’s coming out that I’ve seen have basically been:
25% “Seduction of the Innocent was right!”
25% “Tim Drake is the worst Robin”
25% “BUT TIM AND STEPH!!!”
25% “Oh my God, Bernard sucks.”
Sometimes more than one at a time. So… What’s going on? Why is DC forcing Tim into a relationship that basically started as “turns out I’m into guys, sure, I’ll go out with this loser”? And you could argue that Conner was cloned from what appears to be at least two straight guys, but it all matters, because it all happened, and therefore it is also canon that Conner is a clone of Jon!!! Wait, what was I talking about?