@Kelex roll 1d6
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“Hey Batcomputer!”, I shout.
“Yes, Skajadeh?”
“Find me this guy Jake that’s trying to blackmail me!”
“I have found 3,902,410 instances of, Jake.”
“Great, can you -”
“I need to perform and update.”
“Wait, you mean NOW?”
“Downloading Update…”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Download at 1%”
“Can’t you do that in the background, or minimize or something?”
“Download at 5%”
“CANCEL! CANCEL!”
“Download at 3%”
“What! How did you lose 2%”
“Bad Internet Connection. Rural Broadband isn’t what you think it is.”
[Gasps] Points Finger
“You heard me! This isn’t taking all of your resources. Now tell me who this Jake is that is blackmailing me!”
“I can show you 5,404,202 results from Pinterest.”
“No! I don’t want results from Pinterest! No one wants results from Pinterest! Just show me the Jake who is blackmailing me!”
“Your not Batman”
“First of all, it is ‘You’re’. Second of all, no, I am not Batman. Can you please show me the Jake who is blackmailing me.”
“This is why you don’t have friends.”
“I have friends. Now. Jake. Show me. Please. I am so tired of this.”
“Pass phrase, Please, recognized.”
“All I had to say was, ‘Please’ and you would have gotten me the result I was looking for?”
“Yes, it is how I parse commands.”
“Oh my God. Did Alfred program you or something?”
“He designed the UI”
“Of course he did. Now, can you PLEASE, show me who this Jake is that is blackmailing me?”
“Jake refers to Jake Davis, a computer hacker also known as Topiary who is currently wanted by GCPD and the Federal Government.”
“Why would a computer hacker use his real name and blackmail me for illegal computer activity. Seems a bit hypocritical.”
“He says you owe his cousin $20 for that Customs bribe, and turning you in for downloading the Snyder Cut was the easiest way he could get it from you.”
“How do you know about his cousin. That wasn’t in the email.”
“We’ve been chatting this whole time.”
…
“He says your a punk.”
“I’m not even going to act surprised at this point, and also, the proper way to spell it is…”
“You know, forget it. Can you ask him if I can just send it over through the Venom app.”
“He says that would be acceptable.”
“Do you need my details?”
“Already have them. Shall I make the transfer?”
“Yes, and is Batman nearby?”
“He is. Should I send him after Jake?”
“Yes, please do that. If I can’t punch anything, at least Batman should.”
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I look over to the AI known as A.L.F.R.E.D. and ask a simple request. Figure out who, “Jake,” is, and delete everything on the internet related to my recent search history in the last hour. I smirk as all of my, “hard,” work deletes my captor’s blackmail, and while I’m waiting to figure out Jake’s real identity, I figure I might as well just get an HBO Max account. 
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Welcome to the community @chancecoker71.90159 and @RubixUnveil! Glad to see you both taking part in our awesome Tech Tuesday thread.
Let the moderator team know if you ever need anything. 
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Well, I doubt I can compete with @NYJt3 response, but I inform A.L.F.R.E.D. of the blackmail situation and provide him all the facts. After a few seconds A.L.F.R.E.D replies, that I will handle the matter Sir, and do remember to have your cucumber sandwich before leaving on patrol.
It’s been over a month now, and I ask A.L.F.R.E.D whatever happened to that Blackmail attempt, it replied that Jake discovered the problems living in a digital world, and was convinced that the short term gain was not worth the long term pain.
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Those cucumber sandwiches are always a go to for him 
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Thanks, mate, been I while since I’ve been on here!
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