I reach into my pocket, aaaand …
… immediately squick out. Oh god, I hate bugs.
The good news is I only fight with this thing — a gigantic mind-controlling alien beetle? — for two hours, which means I’ve successfully cut down the time allotted for my crying/screaming/flailing fits by half. But the bad and totally gross thing is that the bug-thing used that time to meld itself to my spine, way out of reach. I know when I’ve been bested.
As if imbued with a taste of heroism by a previous host, the bug thing — who introduces itself as Khaji Da — quite literally launches us into space. The most I’ve ever seen of space was on the news a few hours ago. I have absolutely no idea what to do and struggle to find my breathing, wondering why my head hasn’t yet exploded, but KD does well to lead us exactly to where I’d completely forgotten a bunch of astronauts were about to get their brains eaten or whatever aliens do. (That’s aliens, right?)
KD then sprouts these blue glowy pincers that cut a hole right through the ship, allowing us to slip in undetected until I loudly announce our presence. I didn’t really get the memo about sneaking around — I mean, this bug is literally in my brain, you think it would’ve said something sooner — so when the aliens turn their attention to us instead, I’ve got absolutely no idea what to do.
KD’s eight steps ahead of me, luckily. Tells me to close my eyes and hold my hands out. I do as I’m told, and the tips of my fingers come alive with a tingly flash of burning light. I’m shooting freaking LIGHTNING out of my hands, and I’m not even allowed to geek out over it because the horde of aliens swarming us have just been COMPLETELY. FRIED. I mean throw-it-in-a-bucket-and-serve-it-at-the-second-drive-thru-window fried. It is the absolute worst thing I’ve ever smelt in my life.
KD warns me not to throw up in the mask. I half-succeed.
At any rate, turns out some of the space crew were able to locate and utilize a few escape pods during the couple hours I had spent finangling with the alien bug back home. Only a few remained, and KD and I were able to escort them back to the launch site mostly unharmed. I’m given a few pats on the back, thanked for my service, handed a Taco Bell gift card with 6 dollars left on it. I eat a Crunchwrap Supreme in a sticky booth, alone, careful not to draw too much attention to the glowing blue bug attached to my spinal cord.
This is how I spent my only day off.