aw bruce has too many kids and can’t keep track
Batman at McDonald’s:
Batman: Can I have Bat-Crispy?
McDonald’s Worker (MW): Do you mean a McCrispy?
Batman: Sure, a McBatCrispy.
MW: Mc
Batman: Bat
MW: Mc
Batman: Bat
Ronald McDonald: Oh hi friend! This seems like it might just be a minor miscommunication. We’ll get it all sorted out.
Batman: You’re run by a clown?
MW: He’s our mascot.
Batman: glares
3 hours later
Batman’s monitoring the city eating McBatCrispy
News Reporter: This just in, the last remaining McDonald’s in Gotham has been blown up!
Batman: I hate clowns…
Lmfaooo!!! Wait, but who’s Colin?
(CASS CATCHES DAMIAN LOOKING AT HER WITH DREAMY EYES)
Cass: What are you looking at?
Damian: Oh, uh- nothing. I, um, just enjoy the way you silently brood. Very solemn.
Damian: …
Cass: You wanna’ watch Seven Samurai with me?
Damian: Why, uh, yes. Yes. That would most entertaining.
INTERIOR, WAYNE MANOR KITCHEN. BG, DICK, STEPH, AND DAVID ARE ALL GATHERED AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE AS DAMIAN ENTERS THE SPACE
Damian: Alright. Which one of you ate all of the Captain Crunch With Crunchberries? Trust me- confess now and things will go easier for you.
Everyone at the table: …
Dick: Y’know Damian, no one refers to it as ‘Captain Crunch WITH Crunchberries.’ It’s just called Cap’n Crunch.
Damian: Grayson, when I want your attention I’ll toss a shiny object on the ground and watch you fixate. Besides- you and Gordon are exempt from my investigation as neither of you live here. Highly unlikely you’d both travel to Father’s house just for cereal.
BG: You sure 'bout that, Blood Son? I mean, that cereal is delicious. I’d do almost anything to get at it. (SMILES AND WINKS AT DICK).
Damian: Gordon, I would imagine you’re too busy making googly eyes at your significant other here all night long to come all the way out here to vex me. Yet even so, you’re still not completely off the suspects list. Brown- you fit the MO of someone who would in fact wolf down an entire box of cereal without regard for the consequences. How do you explain this?
Steph: Look here, pint sized inquisitor- I’m a Lucky Charms and Raisin Bran girl.
BG: Ooo- I love Raisin Bran.
Steph: I know, right? Sooo good! Anyway, Damian- you need to search elsewhere for your suspect 'cuz so far you’re pretty much goose-egging it in the deductive reasoning wins column.
Damian: David- you strike me as a solid person who would not engage in this base level of skullduggery, but outward appearances can be deceiving. You’re not off the list either. KNOW THIS BATFAMILY- I will get to the bottom of this. I will. Even if it takes me the rest of my days. Yes indeed.
DAMIAN STORMS OUT OF THE KITCHEN
David: So, should I just go ahead and hire a lawyer now or wait for him to present formal charges?
EVERYONE AT THE TABLE BELTS OUT A HEARTY LAUGH.
Part Two of The Case Of The Missing Crunch posted here later today
Alfred gives Damian a twenty and tells him to walk six miles to Kroger to get more cereal.
Alfred can now watch “Young and the Restless” in peace.
My mother may or may not have employed the same methods decades ago.
Part Two of The Case Of The Missing Crunch
INTERIOR, BATCAVE. DAMIAN IS DILLIGENTLY SIFTING THROUGH CHARTS AND DATA ON THE BATCOMPUTER.
Damian: No, that doesn’t track. No- she was out on patrol that night. Hmm.
Bruce: What case are you working on?
Damian: Brace yourself Father- a member of our family has committed a crime, here in the house of all places. Here are the suspects. (DAMIAN BRINGS UP PHOTOS OF BG, STEPH, AND DAVID ON THE SCREEN)
Bruce: Damian, Is this about the missing cereal in the pantry? I don’t think that…
Damian: Father, I know how hard it may be to admit that we have a thief in our midst…
Bruce: You’re not seeing the bigger picture here…
Damian: Father! We must take the sour medicine and admit that criminal activity amongst our family is taking place!
BRUCE REACHES ACROSS THE KEYBOARD TO A BANK OF BUTTONS CONTROLLING THE HOUSE’S INTERNAL CAMERAS AND PRESSES ONE TITLED ‘KITCHEN FOOD PANTRY’.
Bruce: You should probably watch this before you close your investigation…
BRUCE PRESSES THE PLAY BUTTON ON THE CAMERA FOOTAGE SHOWING ACE WALKING INTO THE PANTRY, GETTING UP ON HIS HIND LEGS, KNOCKING THE BOX OF CAP’N CRUNCH DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR SPILLING THE CONTENTS, AND THEN EATING IT
Damian: No. Wait a minute. This can’t be right…
A FEW SECONDS PASS AND THEN BAT-COW CAN BE SEEN WANDERING INTO THE PANTRY AND EATING THE CEREAL OFF THE FLOOR WITH ACE
Damian: (GASPS) No, no no…
PAN BACK TO BG, DICK, STEPH, AND DAVID STANDING BEHIND DAMIAN’S CHAIR WATCHING THE FOOTAGE
Dick: Hmm. Talk about shiny objects. Wow- this one’s a doozy.
BG: Now, Damian, I know it will be hard for you to do what’s right here but justice demands it.
Steph: They didn’t get into the Raisin Bran did they?
David: Sooo, do I just bill you for my attorney’s fees then or…
Damian: …
Oswald: I think I’m falling for you-
Edward: Then get up.
Very
@basicallytimdrake should be the Gotham version of Chick, Penguin’s young sidekick from the Super Friends comic.
Okay sure yeah I can do that
Hop Harrigan: Chris, be careful crawling under those rocks.
Chris: Yeah, sure… that’s possible, I guess.
Tank: OW! I stubbed my toe!
Hop: We just had to explore this temple…
I hope @Samsonkillingtime enjoyed this one lol